Sometime later this year, we Taxpayers may again receive an Economic
Stimulus Payment. The Obama Administration is very excited about this
new program. Let me try to explain to you how it works using a simple
Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you buy a computer, it will go to India.
If you buy fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 Spending it at yard sales, or
2 Going to ball games, or
3 Spending it on hookers, or
4 Beer or
5 Tattoos.

These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.,
so, the best suggestion is you go to a ball game and drink beer with a
tattooed hooker that you met at a yard sale.

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Related posts:

1. One Man’s Pork Is Another Man’s Stimulus
2. Happy Cost of Government Day!
3. Everything is on the table
4. Out with 2009 and in with 2010
5. More Signs Of Bad Economic Times