Modern Day Abbott and Costello

You have to be old enough to  remember Abbott and Costello, and too old
to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of
us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read  on.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive  today, their infamous sketch,
‘Who’s on First?’ might have  turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:  Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking
about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:  Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT:  Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I  want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told  you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in  here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with  Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when  I look at the windows?

ABBOTT:  Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a  computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for  Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and  run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT:  Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just  did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT:  Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended  something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my  office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did  you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:  Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:  I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already  have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m
sitting  at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I  need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What  word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The  only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in  Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office  for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click  the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some
straight answers! What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track  my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO:  That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT:  Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my  money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your  computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my  computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra  charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my  computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One  copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy  Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy  money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few  days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I  help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer  off?